WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont10.)

[BL42]

Sage4,

the reality is that the truth still lays between their narrative and yours. Whether evenly in the middle, or only one degree off, anything but complete agreement of the facts is going to skew the actual truth.

True, always in-between but to your point is it 50/50 or 90/10 in one direction in the other? From a lot of the sitches I've read here, it seems like most cases the responsibility lies more than 50% on the WS/WAS than the LBS, but the LBS spouse takes on more than 50/50 of the burden initially and usually (at least at first). Whether that's the inherently biased angle in the stories the LBS tells here, or the fact that the folks on here are the ones seeking answers and trying to to fix things, it's important (imo) for some folks to realize it can very much be more about the WS/WAS than the LBS.

Which then leads full circle back to the only person you can control is yourself. So, tell me how do you want to live your one wild and precious life? (Mary Oliver)

Also true. Only thing we can all do moving forward is to improve ourselves for the future.

ScottB,

Recently my counselor recommended a book called "What Matters Most" by James Hollis. Its hitting me at a good time as I continue to work to think about the next chapter and what I (underlined and bold I), what I want. Not my kids, colleagues, parents, or ex. I'm only three chapters in but I'm finding that it to be a good read.

Overall I feel like I'm in the middle of a good run. Work is going better - I'm feeling my limits and paying attention to them so that I don't take too much on. Socially I'm doing good, finding healthy outlets. I'm really enjoying going kayaking when I can get out. Workouts are going well. I had the entire inside of my house repainted and and I'm redecorating everything. A couple of rooms are done, and my favorite thing is that I added a cool mid century modern desk that I use every night to journal, read some poetry, and spend time to think.

I agree w/OB. Sounds like you're doing well and focused on the right areas. Love the talk about self-reflection and reading, work, socializing, workouts, house improvements...etc.

The divorce is at the 1 yard line. At this time we've made all the decisions we need to make. I would think the paperwork is all set any day and ready to be signed and submitted. I'm sure that day will be a hiccup. And I'm sure the hearing will be a hiccup. But I'm continuing to work to take steps to stay mentally healthy.

Keep us posted on the D finalization. Heads up...it could be an emotional day despite the progress (at least it was for me).