Something that helped me to think about, which is over simplified, but worked for my brain was to reflect on past events that were painful and how I felt about them as time passed....I would remind myself that years down the road, it would look different as well. And now many years later I assure you it does. When I was at my lowest point in life, I would remind myself that everything will look different in the future, and it helped me get though a hard day or night. That small glimmer of hope worked.
this reminds me of the Stockdale paradox, which I've been trying for a long time to keep in front of my mind, especially when I feel low.
The Stockdale paradox is named after Admiral James Stockdale who was a POW in the Vietnam war. He was asked about about prisoners who did not make it out of the POW camps and he said,
"The optimists. They were the ones who said we're going to be out by Christmas. And Christmas would come and Christmas would go. Then they'd say we're going to be out by Easter, and Easter would come and go. And they died of a broken heart."
I am totally not comparing being a POW to what this board is about, but just looking at how do we develop hope that will not destroy us. For that he said, and which is the Stockdale paradox:
"You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end - which you can never afford to lose - with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts about your current reality, whatever they might be."
This has helped me a lot because I never said i would feel more detached, better etc. if ____ happens and if i do _____. I just had faith that it will be better and didn't deny the facts on the ground of what was happening - basically not shying away from reality and putting my head in the sand.
I still struggle with this at times, but this paradox helps to reframe things and bring me back from delusional thinking or fantasizing about some outcome. It's not easy, but it has definitely helped me a lot to stay grounded.
