I have a lot to update, but not the mental energy to do so. But the one thought that I woke up to the other morning was a sense of loneliness. Specifically from physical intimacy (not necessarily sex, though that would be nice). I realized that the past 19 months have been the longest I have ever gone since the age of 13 where I didn't hold a boy (or man's) hand, or kiss someone or cuddle or engage in pillow-talk. Maybe it is a reclaiming of my post-breakup womanhood (though I was hardly a woman when I held my first crushes' hand on the back of that 4-wheeler in Alaska at 13). I have had a lot of dry periods in my life, where the need for self-actualization was more urgent than the need for intimacy, but even during those eras, I still flirted or felt I had opportunities and was making a conscious choice to abstain. I am not interested in online dating. I have been on a blind date or two set up by loving friends, which I can internally justify as 'making new friends' or 'potential business investor' so not really the same thing, and didn't lead to much, likely from my end. I am not sure if I am looking for answers or solidarity or just sharing my current state of mind. I would love to kiss someone, or hold someone's hand or cuddle. I have been advised that my D will likely take a long time to be final, so I am not sure that is a benchmark that makes sense for me to wait for at this point. I thought I would be so pure and so true and not do a thing until years after the D, but I am feeling so alive at the moment. All the self-work I have been doing the past 2 years, all the child-first parenting I have been doing, has paid dividends and now that most accounts are (nearly) full, I am yearning for more. I am so curious how all you wise-ones have navigated these feelings. Sage
Hi Sage, I wanted to give my interpretation when these feelings started to take the upper hand for a while. I am also a very physical person. Holding each other just before bedtime, kissing, lying close together on the couch, sex, etc.. The feeling that someone can give you with these gestures is incredibly rewarding and that is why it is so missed.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Realize these are feelings. They are not permanent. Not forever. And will most definitely change.Do not date to fill some void. That does not work. Void, loneliness, unhappiness, sadness, bitterness, etc all come from within. External will not alleviate that. Also fulfillment, contentment, joy, happiness, forgiveness, etc all come from within. External will not create that.D
If you read my thread you will see that a few months ago I had a huge desire to simply feeling loved by a partner, I too I have never been alone in my life since I was 15 years old. Exactly at that moment I also got some sincere attention from an attractive man. I then asked for advice, to see how everyone on the forum dealt with it. D explained very well to me just as he has here, and also to CW on his own thread today, the principle of feelings fleeting and how you can learn to control them. I won’t say I’m there yet but I try to apply this, or at the least try to follow the advice D explained to me back then (although I have to read it sometimes over and over as it is definitely not always the easiest way ) But he sure was right about one thing. The feeling I had of dating someone else faded fairly quickly again. I realized I considered doing this, but for the wrong reasons, for me it was actually to fill that void. I'm happy I didn't go through with this. Your situation is, in my intuition, more advanced. If that void is no longer present, and you no longer stand for your marriage or your H, it means you've closed the door behind you and want to move on, why not let someone new into your life when the opportunity arises. In any case, I wish you a lot of success. You seem to be a very strong woman. xxx
) But he sure was right about one thing. The feeling I had of dating someone else faded fairly quickly again.
