P.S. When S16 came home, he was awful and I was pretty stony. I kept trying to get my face normal so I could speak and I kept being silent because I couldn't. Finally told him that I thought it was great to connect with his Dad again but that he should not have to earn financial support, that his Dad should be helping him and let him focus on school. He told me that he didn't care, that was my problem, he liked working there, etc. I said that all the secrecy and keeping me uninformed about what he was doing was not right and made it really hard for me in court -- and then I said a couple things, e.g., that his dad had claimed S lived with him, etc., -- he just got more and more defiant and told me to deal with my own sh%t.
I did not even want to tell him any of that. It all makes me sound like I am trying to stop him from seeing his dad. I'm not. But not this way. Two years of nothing, and all the vicious horror in court, now dropping D and making use of S in this way. The way he hired S's best friend to lure him in. It was so clever and so dark.
All this time I have not told my kids much about what is going on, I don't tell them the specifics. Once in a while I say something or they see me come back from court sad. All this time S would make fun of D12 for going to see her dad and would tell me he was afraid to see him, etc.
I feel like my son just got sucked into the darkness.
I know you will all say it's great to reconnect with his dad. But this is not great. This is all secrets and lies and manipulation and confusion and it seems like there is nothing I can. There is no way I can affect this narrative without looking like I'm trying to poison them too. But I don't even know how to behave around my own children now! I am so sad and so broken and I feel so mad at them and don't want to!
