Out of the bottle

[BL42]

Magnhild,

I opened my separate bank account which, together with seeing an old friend the previous night and filling him in with the latest, left me raw.

I can understand why that would make you emotional, but it's good you're protecting yourself financially.

Unfortunately, as I was driving home I received a text from the W saying she was round and packing up more stuff. I made the cardinal sin of falling apart in front of her, and going against everything that I have learned on these forums. I tried to control how bereft I was feeling, but told her that although I am accepting that from her our relationship is over, I really, REALLY didn’t want this. Jeez, I was a mess, and am embarrassed at how weak I must have looked. Fuch it. I made a mistake. I will get there.

That's why we recommended not being around when she came by or better yet being proactive in packing up her stuff yourself and leaving the boxes/bags on the porch or in the garage. That said, everyone makes mistakes like this and it's over now - just work on yourself to get stronger for the future.

Since then, I have been actually really fine. Maybe I needed those last tears to seal it, and am now feeling controlled and resigned to whatever happens now.

Glad you're feeling better, but expect it's over. There will be ups and downs...key thing is that you're treading up overall.

I had conflicting thoughts of a) texting her to hope she feels better and b) not contacting her as isn’t this the consequence of leaving a marriage and not having your partner give support? It was like having the angel and devil on each shoulder. Although I will probably get slammed on here for admitting this, I do want to be compassionate with everyone, so I sent the text.

I won't "slam" you, but probably best if you hadn't. You likely hoped (at least subconsciously) she would respond or appreciate the sentiment and it would help your sitch, and then it may you feel a bit worse when your expectations weren't met. Am I right? This isn't a average co-worker. It's hard to do something like that with her without expectations.

Our mutual friends have been absolutely awesome, and even though they are supporting us both, they seem to have gravitated towards me more and more. They have been arranging lots of good fun things to do for which I am immensely grateful for.

That's great! Friends and fun activities help immensely!

On the health front, I am continuing to be fabulous and receiving a lot of flattering remarks from people.

Also great! Keep up the momentum (don't revert)!

I WILL be OK. It will take time, but roll with the good feelings.

Indeed!