I have a very very close relationship with my daughter. She’s been my sidekick from birth and it’s been just me and her when I’m my home for 14 years. If I ask her a question like “how was school” I get the very same responses like you do. Now….. I am the only parent in the know just sage. I know her teachers, her curriculum, her electives, I speak to other parents about school stuff, I read all the emails. So when I ask more pointed questions, I get more enthusiastic detailed replies. My daughter sends me all her papers to sign even when she’s at her dads. I help her with her homework even when she’s at her dads. I know it’s harder for you since you can’t be with her , but sage gave excellent advice to get in the know. It’s going to take a lot of work.
I think one of the hardest things for you do do is what you need to do. You need to keep YOUR feelings out of it. How much it hurts you she doesn’t talk, how much it hurts you that you aren’t in the know, how much all of this hurts you. I understand it does, but you cannot make any of this about the effect it has on YOU while you are trying to rebuild. It’s got to be focused on her. She’s a kid and been through a true emotional ringer . Show up, be consistent, put the effort in, and just don’t make this about you.
And dawn is right about how you have to let the relationship between your GF and son happen organically. You can’t force it. You can encourage what they cultivate, but you can’t push either . They may honestly never be at the level you want them to be. Your son has also been through an unbelievable emotional ringer and his world has flipped so many times. Divorce, new GF, new half brother in a very short period of time. I couldn’t even imagine. He only needs to be made comfortable. He needs to be heard. I’ve dated 2 guys with kids that I have met and we got really close. It happened very organically, nothing forced, no pressure at all. They came to me, and left myself open for that to happen. Your son also knows this woman is a mom to a baby that is shared by the both of you. That has to be hard to wrap his head around right now. And he sounds like he is doing good. But any trying too hard to push together might drive them apart. Be open, be comfortable, don’t make anything about either of you, and things will progress
I don’t envy you wolfman. And my heart certainly aches for your kids. This is a time in your life where you are going to have to be completely selfless with your kids emotionally. Remember, this is hard for you, but the changes and turmoil they have gone through at their young ages are astronomical and in quite a short period of time. The adjusting will take a while
