WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont10.)

[BL42]

When relationships end we often blame ourselves and say “I’m the problem.” Or we take no responsibility and say “I’m perfect. Their loss.” The hard truth is usually somewhere in the middle.
True, but where in the middle. Is it always 50/50? Sometimes is 60/40 or 80/20.

[quote=ScottB]This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to learn and improve! But, it’s important to know that sometimes it’s not you. Sometimes you’ve done all the work and you know you tried your hardest.

Very true. A balance between self-reflection and improvement, and also recognizing that in some cases it's more about the other person than you.

However, in the situation where you work harder, try to improve as a spouse, and become the best version of yourself that you can be, and your spouse continues to want to leave, or not work on the MR, or be a lousy spouse themselves, more than being ok calling it quits, why would you still want to be with that person?

It's not always about still wanting to be with that person anymore as much as not wanting to be in the resulting situation their actions caused. I guess turning the attitude around and embracing the sitch and making the most of it anyway is the key.

I think this is one of the keys to DBing. The LBS is in "hold on as tight as I can mode". DBing teaches you to look at things more logically, less selfishly, and objectively. Without that most human-beings will be against anything that results in change they are not in control of.

Letting go can be tough. It can be emotional and scary. Probably best in the end.