Journey of me and H part 3

[DnJ]

Good Morning PLC

As Gerda said, teenager behaviour. Rebellious. Trying to be independent. Brash. Etc.

Yes that kind of behaviour gets tiresome after a while. However, you are becoming annoyed because of unmet expectations. You control your thoughts, actions, and reactions. And you influence/affect your emotions. H’s behaviour does not control your annoyance; it does influence it though. However, you can influence yourself more!

H is really trying my patience right now. As far as I can tell, he has not done anything different, I think it is me.

Excellent self awareness my friend. Yes, it is you.

Lots of inputs come along and can detract or derail our day / happiness. Who is in charge? Why allow some random event or person alter or change your outlook.

I have made a goal, and there must be a part of me that is fighting it deep in my psyche, because it still wants us to reconcile.

Yep. That deep seated inner fighting of our psyche is felt pretty easily. Nice that you recognize and acknowledge it so quickly.

Is your purposeful goal to leave and not reconcile? Or did you place a timeline or deadline upon things? Intentionally or maybe unintentionally?

As hope(s) get deadlines and timeframes attached they become expectations. A deadline does just that, makes hope dead. The unmet expectation turn to poison, and resentment festers within us.

Perhaps, the part you are fighting internally is your hope for reconciliation. Depending upon your life goals - dating, meeting someone else, or living single, etc. - hope can remain alive or it needs to extinguish.

I have always been someone’s someone. A wife, a mom, an employee. I want to be me. If someone wants to come along, (I’m hoping H) great. If not I owe myself this chance.

You can be you. And still have hope.

You are tying H, hoping H, will come along on your journey. And if not… See the expectation? Untie it.

H is not going to walk with you as you discover PLC. He is on his own journey which he can barely handle. However, you do not need to move on, nor should you move on, just move forward. H will catch up if he wants too.

Crafting life’s convictions and discovering self is a most worth goal. Take the requisite time and ensure decisions and actions are based upon that which serve.

D