WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (4)

[BL42]

CWarrior,

ExW asked me to talk at transition, and said my mom had said some things to her at D6's sporting event about not coming around and how ExW left the kids...in front of D3.

That sounds uncomfortable. Maybe say "No" to discussions at transition next time? I often have sensitive discussions with my XW 20 feet away from my kids or over the phone.

Maybe this was confusing. It was meant to read ExW told me that my mom said inappropriate things to her in front of the kids. ExW did not engage me in front of the kids, she waited until they went inside. I did ask ExW if she could email me because I had to run, but she said it was important so I listened.

but it gets me all worked up and my blood boiling to even have to deal with this.

You are not Man & Wife, but you are still Dad & Mom.

Very true. I'd never give up my kids, but this whole BD/D situation would be a whole lot less complicated without the parenting.

I bit my tongue w/ExW, and just listened and did my best to validate. I said something to the effect of 1) I can understand why that might be upsetting, and 2) I'll have a discussion with my mom and give it some thought.

It's great you listened and validated. I'm curious why you feel the need to talk to your mom about how she interacts with your XW? Your XW's relationship with others is hers to figure out, right? Maybe you're actually concerned for your mom--that if your mom continues to be unkind towards XW, XW may not allow mom at future games or school events during her time?

Well if my mom did say things to ExW in front of my kids, that shouldn't happen going forward in the interest of the kids. Wanted to get my mom's side of the story. Definitely trust my mom completely and way more than ExW at this point. Don't want to get in-between them generally or really have them in contact at all, but if there's anything questionable going on in terms of the kids that needs to be addressed.

I suspect you want a good co-parenting relationship for the sake of your kids. If it's about venting, write hurtful letters and burn them, channel your hurtful energy into a punching bag or a jog. A good relationship with your ex will allow you to name parenting issues and have her consider them. Which, of course, doesn't guarantee she'll resolve them in your preferred way or at all.

Good suggestions. Part of it is maybe posting/venting here. Unfortunately it's been hard to count on ExW related to any parenting-related topics at this point, but hopefully she's coming around on the parenting front lately. For awhile during IHS/affair she was extremely nasty to then D1, and hasn't acted in the best interest of the kids, but hopefully that's changing.