WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (4)

[BL42]

OnlyBent,

Do you really want to regress back to the old BL and give her a piece of your mind? Would it do anything more than to her than give her the satisfaction that no, BL hasn't changed? Do you really want to be that person? It's easy to be that person, its hard to be the emotionally controlled and self-disciplined person.

Well it'd certainly feel good to blow off some steam in the moment, and she deserves some comeuppance, but probably wouldn't be helpful in the end.

You are doing amazingly mate, keep it up. You sound like you're killing it with the kids and are a great father, be proud of that.

Thanks! I've always taking pride in being a fantastic father, and have given even more focus to it since BD.


SteveLW,

Taking the high road with her isn't in case she ever wants to R. You saying that will send LH into convulsions! LOL

Haven't heard from LH in a bit! Didn't mean to say I'm trying to do that to R - can't see myself ever R'ing at this point - only saying that since I don't want to R what's the point of holding back?

No, you listen and validate to diffuse the situation.

I did. I was good and have for the most part taken the high road through all this...but certainly didn't want to at the time!

Of course you wanted to go off on her. She cheated, left you for OM, now subjects your kids to OM. She is one of your least favorite people in the world. Plus, you don't want to be in the middle of this stuff.

^YEP!!!

Your mom and her conversation is between the two of them. You are no longer her H and therefore have no responsibility to defend her to your mom. You did great listening and validating. If you do mention this to your mom I would do is in a completely non-confrontational manner. Info gathering. More than likely your EX was trumping it up to be worse than it was, and it was her own guilt and disgust with herself she was projecting from your mom.

ExW could definitley be trumping up. I trust my mom much more than her. My mom is on team BL42 whereas ExW has done everything she can to get off my team over the last year and a half. I will discuss it with my mom though because don't want things said in front of the kids for the kids' sake. Just wish I didn't have to deal with all this stuff.

But no, do not keep the peace for the chance at future R. Keep the peace for your kids' sake. To make coparenting easier. She likely will get comments and complaints from others in the future. It is no longer your job to help her cope with the barbs from others.

Point taken. You're absolutely right in keeping the peace for the kids' sake. It's just tough because part of me would like to go off or handle situations differently, but always having to take the high road and focus on what's best for the kids, which is of course right, but can be less satisfying from a personal / I was betrayed perspective.