If I may add a different perspective to the boards taking a turn. I don't agree that there is a difference in the amount of posters that are dealing with cheaters/abusers or that people now have a different tolerance for that. I have been reading here for 7-8 years and I have seen the quality of posts steadily deteriorate over time. There used to be several folks here -- Sandi, Wonka, Starsky, 25mlc, AS, to name only a few of many -- that spent time really getting to know posters and offering thoughtful and thorough feedback. They were generous to give so much to strangers, but I think there was a strong sense of community and that perhaps they benefited from that as well.

What I have seen happening over the last couple years is more direct advice that reads as judgmental and lacking in personal boundaries. It is also the same few people giving the same advice so there is less diversity in information. I find some of the behavior totally unacceptable (I am sorry, but I am looking at you LH). Even if you believe someone is being abused, in a bad situation or making the same poor choices repeatedly, that does not entitle you to call them out or tell them what to do. It has been disappointing to watch and people are leaving because of it. There has also has been a steady decline of new people coming forward and I assume they don't feel safe to post here.

Even if this is the internet and a public forum, we are still talking about deeply personal issues and we are all vulnerable. If someone shares their story and is struggling, our only job is to try and understand them, offer sympathy and support, and then when we do give advice, we must do so in a respectful and careful manor that they are ready to receive. It is not our place to call them out, tell them what is wrong with them or what they need to do. We only have limited information and we are not their therapists. This directness only leads to people feeling attacked and then turning away. Nothing good comes from it IMO. I think with the amount of options people now have for online forums, it is unlikely these boards can make a full recovery.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela