My big mistake here is riding the emotional rollercoaster. I thought I was doing good, but I’m still on it. I gave up recon and saving my M but I give her too much power. I react to all this stuff I shouldn’t. That I see I still need to work on.
Steve_, I don't think that is the take-away. A key act in this "drama" was when you made an unreasonable request, she said no, and you wouldn't accept her no. Accept what she controls, and drop any scheming to undermine that (e.g., "Maybe we can sit down with the kids and decide") or manipulate her ("OM she’s with lost his kids due to a domestic violence charge a couple months ago", "the children missed 80% of class on her days."). If these allegations are true, raise them now. I get you may be afraid to because she could raise your issues. Don't be afraid. If the issues she's raising are valid, address them. If you don't have PTSD she won't have much luck proving you do. Her choices are as valid as yours.
Instead of: "I give her too much power." => "Recognize where she has power and where I have power." Divorce separates out your respective powers. Less needs to be agreed upon.
