I saw this on instagram recently and it reminded me of the conversation we were having here. This really resonated with me:

When relationships end we often blame ourselves and say “I’m the problem.” Or we take no responsibility and say “I’m perfect. Their loss.” The hard truth is usually somewhere in the middle.

In the Comments: Until recently, I believed that if I just tried a little bit harder, I could get someone to like me or understand me.

There are so many amazing communication skills and tactics being shared out there. But it can also keep you stuck in this cycle of self-improvement that says “If I just work a little bit harder….this relationship will improve or they’ll finally understand me.”

You can do all the work in the world and there will still be people that are committed to misunderstanding you.
There will still be people that don’t agree with you.
There will still be people that deny your reality.

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to learn and improve! But, it’s important to know that sometimes it’s not you. Sometimes you’ve done all the work and you know you tried your hardest.

You know when you’ve done the work.
Have you read about communicating better?
Have you consulted with any therapists or other “experts”?
Have you been practicing?
Do you have deep relationships with other people?
Have you asked for feedback from other people?
Have you reflected on your role in the situation?
Have you been consistently working on your own inner stuff?

If you’ve practiced the scripts, read the books, consulted with the experts, asked for feedback, etc. and the relationship still isn’t improving…take a pause. Maybe you can see that this pattern isn’t showing up in your other relationships. You’ve reflected on what your part is and taken ownership of it. Is the other person doing this too?

Not every relationship can be improved or fixed. Not every relationship is a two-way street. Sometimes it’s one person doing all the other work.

This is just your friendly reminder that sometimes it’s ok to call it quits. It doesn’t mean you failed. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.