Still learning, but leaning into the future...

[DnJ]

Hello Sage

Oh how I miss those puppy-pile walks and hugs and such.

I so love your story of all five of you diving off the log and into the cold water.

Then another curve ball. Your friend’s husband and a young family’s father/husband.

Events happen which stir inside us. Robbed is a normal feeling that surfaces for all of us. Robbed is the epitome of loss. We feel robbed, powerless, helpless. Anger, depression, all that grief we struggle through until we realize and accept.

You are among those that understand. And you are welcome to cry upon my shoulder, virtual as it may be. (((Hugs)))

H is a capable human, a good (enough) father and there is no reason why he can't take on half of this responsibility.

A very healthy attitude my dear. Good for you.

All this work I am doing advocating for myself, the financial 'right-sizing' and shifts in the mundane parental obligations still do not fill the empty hole of sadness I have of being left for another woman, of not being 'good enough' as a wife or partner, or that somehow for some reason I deserve to be a single mom to four kids who were created with love and intention.

I too have had that emptiness and sadness of being left for another. The doubts, the questions of why, the wondering if I was not good enough. You know well enough H’s journey and choices are about him not you.

My four children, like your’s, were created will love and intention. Years and years of happy family life.

Did I deserve to be a single Dad? Well of course not. No more than you or anyone deserved the fallout from their spouse’s behaviour.

Yet….

And bear with me for a bit.

I became a Dad who did deserve it. A much better word would be - a Dad who earned it.

A single parent is nothing short of miraculous. The loving relationship between single Dad or Mom and their kid(s) is so very strong. The shared bond has a touch of the divine after experiencing such upheaval. Be a strong stable forgiving parent amidst all the wreckage of your marriage, for we only lost our spouse not our family.

Sage, I’d never wish this journey upon anyone. And yet, it is such a blessed opportunity. Become the Mom who deserves such a blessing.

And by the way, I believe you already are, you just don’t realize it. And that is the big step of grief. Realizing and accepting. Through loss we gain. Maybe even more than we lost. Gosh, what a counterintuitive journey huh?

I hope to be more active on here. I, like some of the other posters on here with similarly disordered spouses, am concerned about my privacy due to some nefarious activity on my ex's part, but at this point, the support and conversation means more to me than the fear of being 'discovered' telling the truth about the end of my M.

Good for you my friend. Let go your fear and share whenever and whatever you are comfortable with.

In time this all becomes as easy as jumping off a log.

(((Sage)))

D