As far as my daughter. It is really hard for me. She just continues to bash me and say how horrible I was (which most of the time is not true). I am trying to listen and validate, but when they are straight up lies or not even. Close to the truth I feel a need to defend myself.
If your D says, "It was horribly unfair, hypocritical that you didn't let me play games on my computer when I hadn't finished studying, but you were enjoying browsing the Internet before you completed the laundry." -- I get it can be challenging separating out her feeling that she was treated unfairly, her accusation that you're hypocritical, and your disagreement about a fact such as whether or not you browsed the Internet before completing the laundry. Except where you have proof, neither of you is the ultimate arbiter of facts. Her beliefs about what happened are as valid as your beliefs.
Once I told my XGF she had yelled at me. She disagreed. I happened to have an audio clip proving it! Assume the recording was not underhanded. Would you take the curious approach, "It sounded like you yelled at me. This is what it sounded like.." or the right-fighting approach. "That's a lie, and I have an audio clip proving it.."
Upon listening, she said, "I raised my voice. I didn't yell."
