I don't come here much anymore but when I was reading everything clinging to hope it used to drive me crazy when the story just ended abruptly.
Let me say something positive. I'm happier now, calmer, life is more fun. Helps that I've been 100% NC for 2 years. I won't sugar coat it though it's still hard but it's getting easier. D15 will text him while I'm sitting right there or I'll drop her off and see that he's not home at 2am. Maybe a trigger will hit in the grocery store. I just never know when these things will hit. It used to knock me down for DAYS and now it's probably 15-20 minutes, I feel the pain, roll with it and wait for it to pass. It always passes.
The triggers are lessening though and many times I can hear something about him and it doesn't faze me at all. Whatever...from my vantage point his life is pretty sad. D18 still isn't talking to him. D15 hates him and S21 doesn't like being around him anymore. He's drinking A LOT and while he is still with the OW I don't think he's happy. I'm doing better than him and S21 reports that this fact frustrates him. I think I was supposed to pine away and be miserable forever. lol
I've gotten more assertive. I stand up to bullies at work and will cut out people that don't add value to my life. I'm not afraid of being alone anymore which is freeing.
I'm taking responsibility for my own life, my own happiness and I no longer seek it outside myself. Happiness cannot be found in material things or a relationship. I believe learning how to be happy with very little is powerful.
I'm not divorced yet and am still a work in progress but I'm okay.
