Need advice on stubborn W part 2

[BL42]

AKuei,

Welcome back. I'm very sorry about your father's passing. That must be incredibly difficult. Definitely sending my thoughts and prayers your way.

She said she likes the current situation; in house separation (I sleep with the kids while she sleeps by herself on another bed in the same room, no intimacy, basically roommates, etc)

The current setup is working for her, but is it for you? Doesn't sound like a good situation for you. It's been a long time...3 years. How much longer are you living to live like this?

In the middle of June, she asked me for a loan to get braces for her teeth as it is affecting her quality of life; she has a serious case of overbite and she can't chew food properly for decades. She joked about paying me back 500 bucks a month (the loan was 8k) but I can tell she wasn't serious. I fell into her trap and I gave her the money.

I don't like the idea of you giving her a lot of money to improve herself. She wants to leave you. let her figure it out herself. Maybe she wants the overbite fixed for her new man or to meet a new man.

2 days ago was our wedding anniversary. I didn't do anything for her at all; not even cards and flowers. I just spent the day like any other day; busy with the kids and work, busy with preparing dinner, etc etc. And because of the guilt, I've made another boo boo again. She was talking about getting an ergonomic chair (even though she already had 2) and I got her another one. She did transferred me the money but i returned the transfer and written reference as "wedding anniversary and birthday gift". I was expecting that she will reverse it again and there it is. It happened! She reversed the transfer and said "no need".

You say you didn't do anything for the wedding anniversary in the first sentence, and then you say you bought her an ergonomic chair she wanted and told her it was for the anniversary. She explicitly told you she didn't want a gift or even an acknologlement of the date. She's being very clear. Unfortunately it [censored] and it's not what you want, but she's being clear.

I thought I was detaching very well because during these months, I did not engage her in any R talks as well. I was cordial and supportive in the household. I minded my own business for most parts. That being said, I can see pockets of my wrongdoing. I'm just not doing DB perfectly.
Good. Keep in mind just because you were DB'ing well doesn't mean you'll get the result you want. As they say here, drop expectations. Your update comes across as still doing things with expectations.

[quote=AKuei]I'm really on the verge to confront her about the gift incident.

You don't need to confront her. A big DB item on this board is no confrontations or arguments. You both know where you stand. Act accordingly.

For once I feel like I want to tell her in the face how I'm feeling.

She knows how you feel. And you know how she feels.

I also want to initiate divorce talks because I simply can't stand it any longer. It's been almost 3 years.

You do not need to talk to her to initiate a divorce. You can simply do it. 3 years is a long time. Sounds like you've been standing long enough you can know in your mind you gave it your best.