Picking Up the Pieces After WAW Goes Again #4

[SteveLW]

smilie, this is why I was gently trying to nudge you to get you to consider other options. I was trying not to 2x4 you an clobber you and at the same time get you to see how precarious putting all your eggs into one basket was. You seem like the type that can only focus on one thing at a time. Once the legal motions were in place, you sat back and waited. You were paralyzed by the waiting. And it appears, unfortunately, that it was an all or nothing gamble.

Is there any reason you couldn't have done both? Had legal representation to move the legal stuff forward, AND look for another place to live? And now that you are focused SOLELY on looking for a place to live, you stop all legal action?

Admittedly, we only know the details you provide, and I get that your situation is likely much more complex than any of us know. But it appears you think very linearly, and that this causes you not to be able to multitask and juggle more than one thing. Unfortunately, life doesn't move linearly. I think some good therapy would help you with all this. The problem is that every time we offer suggestions to you, you come back with dozens of "reasons" why you cannot do that. I've told you this once before: where there is a will there is a way.

You have allowed yourself to be painted into the precarious place where your fate is up to your STBXW's doings or not doings. Can you look back and see how that is a recipe for disaster?

One last observation: How does this: "The only good news is that I now know what town she is living in (or around) and my guess was correct. So I now know that this affair has been going on for years possibly, even while we were living in that town also. I have found out who she really is and I do not like what I see." help you at all? YOu knew she was cheating. You knew was conniving. You knew she was something you didn't "like what you see". The only way this was eye-opening at all is if somewhere deep inside of you there was some hope that all of what you were doing would make her wake up and want to go back to the way things were. And if that is the case that is disappointing since you've insisted for weeks now that you do not want her back.

You need to start being honest with yourself, smilie. I see a man that is trying to convince himself of things that aren't true, that makes excuses for why things can't be different, gets myopic on a single thing, and then stews in his own misery (how many statements like "what a nightmare life" have you made in your threads?). You seem like a really nice guy. You seem like someone that deserves better. The problem in this world is that nice and deserves rarely gets you ahead without some blood, sweat, and tears along the way. So the question I would pose to myself if I were in your situation would be: "What can I do to improve my situation?"