Hope you all had some lovely moments the past days and you are all doing well.
I yet again need some advice.
We were talking about the message I wanted to give H in regards to the visits in the house while he's in home country and having OW2.
I haven't done this yet because of the following which happened yesterday:
You should know in the first place that my H used to see a child psychiatrist between the ages of 5 and 12, someone he has been very grateful to all his life for giving him the help and the security that he couldn't find home that time. When he was older, around 16 years, he also had to see a psychiatrist (his father forced him), but he never found one like this one so he quit going. He couldn't go that that one anymore since he was too old to go to a child psychiatrist and this wasn't allowed. (There are clear known FOO’s present within my husband, but his mother buried it and never talked about it anymore, and H has always wanted to know what was wrong with him back then)
However, this psychiatrist has retired, moved and could no longer be located anymore. Since my H has been saying for months that this is the only one he had such a connection with and that he would like to ask him what was going on with him in the past, as well as now want to tell his story, I did everything I could to find this person. His sister told me about a year ago that this psychiatrist told her mother years ago that at certain ages (turning points in H’s live) this will all come back and that H would have very difficult moments in life, that therefore he should be followed up all his life (which didn’t happen since his mother buried it) Yesterday this psychiatrist called me. That man remembered my H very well and I briefly explained the story to him. This man in turn has given his contact details and H is allowed to contact him, he is willing to have a conversation with him. I passed this on to H via email yesterday with the necessary explanation.
What this psychiatrist did say was that, because of the fact that I am taking this step now, I should absolutely not put any pressure on him because this could stop him from contacting him. He also asked if I was still standing for my marriage and if I can be there for him if it comes to that because that H will need it then. I told him that I am a stander and that I want to be there for him. So this means that this message I wanted to send can do more harm than good. And I cannot speak of the fact that I can no longer be his friend now.
How would you deal with that, because on the one hand I think it is important to make my boundaries clear to him, and certainly also that the children are aware of OW2.
Can I amend the message, let him know that these are two different things? Of maybe don't send it yet and see if he will contact the man?
