Looks like you're getting excellent feedback from many folks here, a lot of them who were either around during my journey or were giving me their perspectives. I'll definitely keep an eye out on your thread and comment when I feel I can add something.
The major takeaways that I have are letting your exW run her course on her fantasy R and all of that. Her neglecting the kids and just doing what she wants to do is very on-the-money script. my exW did a version of that for sure and rationalized it as it was good for the kids in some ways - total selfish decisions to further what she wanted.
I know sometimes it feels like beating the same drum but - focus as much as you can on yourself and the kids. Look up parallel parenting if you haven't already - that's how I basically operate and it has reduced a lotta mental and emotional stress for me. At least in my sitch, exW is doing a lot better with the kids and they do have an engaged mom - it wasn't like that in the first two years or so though.
I am super proud of how I weathered this and took care of the kids and provided stability. Your kids won't remember it, but you will and it will pay off in the future in terms of their mental and emotional health - I over index on the emotional health side because it will pay out in spades in the future.
