It is so good to see you here! The main thing that keeps me coming back to the boards is that I look for folks that have been around from years ago and love seeing their updates and progress. Right after we get BD'd we are a spinning mess, then things settle down, and then we stop posting as much, but it is the time and often years, that we finally benefit from all that detaching GAL stuff, right? People like us really can offer good advice because the wisdom comes many years later. In fact I really like the advice to Newcomers from the people here in Surviving The Big D.
So things with OM imploded and fell apart? Shocking! That was sarcasm. I am only shocked when these affairs DO work out. I think years ago I read that affairs lead to lasting relationships and marriages less than 5% of the time. Which makes sense to me. I can understand your repulsion towards her now. She really messed things up for all of you. I don't love the idea that we are supposed to forgive and find friendship with Exs after these betrayals and I think it's okay not to. As long as everyone is respectful and civil for the children's sake, that is enough.
I find you refreshingly honest and that is a very attractive character trait! I have always liked that about you. You have got to quit smoking, man. Listen, I know it's hard. Would it help it I told you that if/when dating, women can taste and smell that all over you? Or, it ages your skin terribly? And mostly, you gotta take care of those lungs! I spend my days working in a Covid ICU and I promise you, multifocal COVID pneumonia is no joke .... (jumping off soap box).
Can you enjoy workouts without a gym? Hiking outside in nature with bursts of core work? Pullups on trees :-) I actually created a little home gym and I use religiously. It is my alone time, I listen to my books and podcasts, and I love to just sweat and find new ways to move. I think I am rockin a better body at 43 than 23.
Lastly, I read above your feelings of being emasculated and not being able to provide the pool/house/sitch for your family and I feel you on that. But can I say that again your honesty is so refreshing and that is what makes you an amazing man. Your kids pick up on that energy and it is far more meaningful than any material item. I firmly believe that. .... my 11 year old D just started middle school and is really down lately. I could not bring her around or understand what was going on. Last night we finally connected and she opened up to me. We drove around for hours and then we sat at a restaurant for hours. I just kept listening and being present until she would finally open up a little. By the end of the night I saw some smiles. You cannot buy that. It comes from time and love. I have a feeling you are a great dad. That is more masculine and powerful than anything.
BLU
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
