Thanks for checking out my sitch! I wasn't sure if I was ever going to come back here but there was a major update and I thought I'd come and share.
I'll definitely check out your sitch and if I have anything worthwhile to add, I definitely will.
Sounds like your exW is using the same script as mine did - BD, move in with OM as fast as possible, create a new 'happy' life and pretend like nothing has ever changed. The only thing changed was who she's with. All I can say is that she's running away from all her problems and issues and wants to paper over the past with something new and shiny.
Even if this event involving my D wouldn't have happened, I doubt the R my exW ran into at light speed would've lasted long. What kind of person do you have to be to date someone who has ended their marriage recently and not put in any work? You also have to be emotionally and mentally insecure trying to find something to fill in the void that exists. I would take that as a huge red flag and run in the opposite direction rather than date someone like that. I suspect the OM in your case is just a tool for her to run away from her issues and vice versa. Things won't end well, or if they continue, it will be an acrimonious relationship - i'd rather be single than have that.
In terms of me meeting the boy who masquerades as a man, it was a gamble. He was going to be around my kids very regularly. So, I'd rather at least put a face to a name rather than pretend he wasn't around. Also, my exW wanted me to badly meet him so that she could pretend she checked all the boxes about what the right process would be - it wasn't. If you go back deep in my past threads, you'll see I was ambivalent about meeting this lil manboy so early on and others gave me some good feedback - pros and cons.
I already knew he was a dumba$$ as only a dumba$$ would decide to get into a serious relationship with my exW - no matter what, I knew her better than he did and I knew that she was a complete mess and chock full of red flags. The little that I did hear from other friends about her during this time completely confirmed that my take on her emotional and mental state was absolutely accurate - she was trying to erase the past, not take any ownership or accountability for her actions, and definitely did not take the time to journey inward to understand her deep insecurities and issues. She made all the decisions that fit her nice little fantasy without regard of how it would impact the kids. She was in the 'fog' as the term is used here. And then it spectacularly blew up in her face - just days after the lilmanboy proposed to her and she said yes.
Thanks for your words about my D. Yes she was the one who was most deeply hurt and impacted by this predatory lilmanboy. I am glad it's over and I can focus on her well being and also my son, who was impacted by all the massive changes as well.
My kids are doing much better now. D has been seeing an amazing therapist for almost six months and my son also went to therapy for a few months. They're both in better places and my D especially has all the support and love she needs. We've come out of the dark.
I hope you're keeping well and if you're a year or two behind me, the best thing that I did was seriously put in work for myself - hobbies and activities, focused attention on my health, and doing things outside work that nurtured my spirit. I am a creative at heart and so got back into some creative pursuits and that was marvelous for my healing.
I'll respond more thoroughly on your sitch, but just remember - from the little I know of your sitch, I believe your exW is chasing a fantasy and she thinks all the answers lie in that mirage. Let it play out and just focus on yourself and your kids. I know it's easier said than done, but me and plenty of others here have done it and come out wiser and more emotionally rounded at the other end.
