You know your stbxw better than I do. Interpret as you please. But I'm seeing nothing here that has anything to do with that bountiful amount of possibilities and past influences that are leading to supposed confusion. She didn't say a thing about being confused. She seems pretty confident actually that she's divorcing you regardless. But it seems that she does care for you whether you want to recognize that or not, and is starting to feel pretty remorseful about the way things shook out. Granted I can only base that off what you've put here, but what you've put here seems like a woman who isn't exactly sorry about what she did, but she is sorry about the fallout. And honestly at this point in the game this is pretty much the best you can ask for.
Just so you know I've read through a large bulk of your sitch so I do know what you're dealing with. I just usually keep my opinions on this to myself. You have a history of over analyzing what she says and does and under analyzing what you say and do in reaction to her. I'm curious if you ever really dug into some of the other WW's around here, because your stbxw while her cheating is pretty prolific, emotionally, she's one of the more stable ones around here. I'm not saying she's the pinnacle of behavioral and mental health I just don't think she's as MLC as you want to think she is. I think she's done. I think she's been done. I think she keeps telling you she's done and you keep hearing her say there's a chance. Like peak Lloyd Christmas 'there's a chance.'
What I'm trying to get you to understand is she speaks passively out of kindness, but that gives you room to interpret. The reality is there isn't room for interpretation here, but you're going to read into it any way you like.
At some point here accepting that while you may have had a hand in the marriage failing you had no hand in it ending means you need to accept that your marriage is in fact ending.
I've watched you literally start super ill advised dating and still pine after this woman. Still interpret her every move as some reach to or for you. The D is impending and still when she says plainly what she means you still are looking for that hand, and refuse to accept that it's not there. You will never get the magical closure you seek if you keep telling yourself that your stbxw deep down really wants you and the MR, she's just confused. You will never move on. And you will become bitter because her actions in moving on and living her life will continue to look like underhanded or coded attempts to purposefully make you feel bad. By not doing the work. By not DBing you're doing yourself a major disservice. You're seeking closure you're never going to get. Closure is for people who like to keep wounds and doors open. Closure isn't ever really about closing a chapter. It's about wanting to control the ending instead of just relinquishing control of the situation and taking control of the next chapter of your life. The concept of closure was created and perpetuated by emotional masochists, emotional sadists and people with deep control issues.
