LH- In reality the list is for me. A reminder of all the things that would need to change. All the things I now see that were screwed up. A reminder that It wasn’t that perfect and that I can move on. It’s a loss, but there was a lot of screwed up stuff and I do believe I can find someone with fewer issues who treats me better.
And I don’t care what her “come to Jesus” moment looks like. I believe it will be too late. I’ve had several friends who have gone through this. Wives leave them and then come back down the road saying it was a mistake, but they’ve moved on. Seems like a common pattern.
As for validation I was trying on during parts of the call. But when she implied I was fragile and that I was dying to have her back, I needed her to know that’s not how this is. I don’t think it was passive aggressive. There was no hidden meaning or hidden agenda, there was no guilt trip. Bottom line is that I want to be with someone that wants to be with me. I think that’s fair. You can say I wasn’t listenning tonher and didn’t validate. Maybe I should have said “it sounds like you’re really concerned about how this impacts me and you don’t want to hurt my feelings.” But I didn’t in this spot. I try to listen and validate when I can, I’m not close to perfect at it.
Wayfarer - Hi. I didn’t think she was trying to creep her way into my life at all. I think she’s not 100% sure. I think she’s confused. I believe she was emotionally abused as a child by her mom. I know she was on the brink of physical abuse. I know her dad, who is disabled is abused by her mom. I believe she transferred some of her issues with her mom to me. I think she’s going through all kinds of midlife stuff and she’s confused. I think what she said was honest. She had a lot going on.
And when I say care for me, I mean acts of service. “Hey, I’m running by the dry cleaners, would you like me to take your shirts in?” Just little things. All the same things I do for those I love. I want to be in a relationship where that’s reciprocated. I don’t need it, I want it.
R2C - Yes. Per the book, not divorce busting. At this time the last resort strategy in theory would be the recommended course of action. I’m not divorce busting. I’m looking for closure.
I agree with LH, actions speak louder than words. She has done nothing to change the course. I also know this woman quite well. She is the epitome of an enneagram 9. She avoids conflict, avoids decisions, avoids problems. She goes with the flow. She can be apathetic and a bit lazy. Her way of dealing with life is to avoid it. Anyhow, I’ve got to run.
