I sincerely believe that I no longer have to impose boundaries, is that better? LOL
As said several times, I fully understand the MLC process, I have moved beyond the anger, the fear, the sadness and instead I have made room for understanding, compassion and forgiveness. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have strict values, and I do agree with you that I still have to stand for my own and make them clear to him.
My values are not in line with what is currently going on, still married but in a secret sort of relationship with OW, and still wanting to be intimate with W, since I didn’t know about it . Do I need this for myself, not really, I know who I am and what I stand for, but I'm doing this for the kids so that they might learn that this is something you cannot tolerate whilst married. (thank you Gerda :))
So therefore I wish to say the following to him, and to confirm it on paper, in the past with OW1 I had to do this as well since often he doesn’t remember what I said (or he pretends to not know it), but of course I will wait until after the party of S17:
Your life, your choices. It’s not clear to me if you are actually with OW today, but you have confirmed to me that something has been going on with her for a while now. You know I draw the line there, I've made this clear in the past. That's why I suggest you better look for something else while you are in "Home country". I can't forbid you not to stay here as it's your house too but we are still married so to me this is adultery and this is not in line with my values nor with the values I want to pass on to the children.
If he threatens with a divorce, then I’ll tell him to go ahead, I'm ready. But he will have to do the work himself. And if he decides to just keep coming, no problem. Then he effectively becomes a roommate.
Do I also have to make this clear to him somehow, that I will no longer treat him as friends?
As for the kids, it was them who pointed out to me that there was probably an OW again, which is why I want to show them what is the right thing to do in such a situation, regardless of MLC or not.
