I wish I could just tell you to stop this and love your husband but it is just not that easy. I know because I have been there. I had a MLC and at one point another man was involved. By the time 3+ years of MLC had ransacked my family and I woke up to look at the destruction mostly caused by my own hand, it was too late. But I found this board and my faith again and I've stood for over 18 months now. Finally, sometimes, I see the mountain moving. What it has taken me a long time to understand is that these "other people" are just symptoms of the real issues. Issues that lie in ourselves and our marriages.
You are not bad. You were lonely, vulnerable and neglected. Your husband's burden in your story is massive. But it was your actions that blew the lid off. And it was you that found this board and let me tell you, you know that saying "to whom much is given, much will be required"? Well, you just got handed a huge tool when you found this board and the courage to post here. But now the real work will begin and it's going to begin when you turn that finger around that is pointing at your husband and instead, it points at you. You are the only person whose actions you are responsible for, the only person in your life that you CAN change. Boredom will be nowhere to be found, trust me. But there is a TREMENDOUS amount of pain involved in everything that falls under the heading of "Divorce Busting". In my experience, the first thing that has to be "busted" is the wall of BS we've been spoon-feeding ourselves for years. If you can get through that part, and I believe you can because I KNOW how hard it was for you to write that first post and await the responses. I REMEMBER. It is hard to come to a place like this and say (in a manner of speaking) "I'm like the ones that hurt all of you...". You have what it takes for this fight even though you don't even know if you WANT to fight...
There is a stumbling block in your immediate path and it is the thing that concerns me the most.
This online "friend".
Sweetheart, he exists primarily in your mind. There's not a man alive on this earth that could ever live up to the image you HAVE CREATED based on the information you have about him. I guarantee it. I GUARANTEE it. He is a myth. He's not your Knight in shining armor, he's not Prince charming and there IS NO riding off into the sunset and living happily ever after. How could there be, with your broken family standing there behind you? He made you feel the things your husband had ceased to because he allowed himself to become complacent about himself, you and the marriage. THAT'S where the answers are. They're not online. They're not with that man. He is not your man.
At this point, your logic is all that is screaming for help. It is not your heart. But your heart can be turned back to your husband.
If I am nothing else, I am proof of that.
Your journey forward is going to have to start with an honest look back, from your husband's point of view.
Pray about it.
God will show you.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
