Women can not love two men at the same time. Loving one will prevent you from having the right feelings for the one you have a history with. Trying to "eat cake" will cost you both men in the end.
Your feelings about your life with your H may originate from some legitimate concerns. These concerns need to be dealt with in another manner. The true odds of you being happy with the OM in two years (after your H will no longer speak your name) are minimal, but you may learn to live with your choices since you can't go back home.
People will tell you about someone they know that took a chance and never looked back. You will want to believe it is your calling. The only way to find out is to go for it. The only way to turn your back on everything that was ever important in your life is to go for it. The only way to find out it is a terrible mistake that can not be undone is to go for it.
The overwhelming amount of published works on mlc use great detail to explain your addiction. The excitement and addiction to the attention you are getting is no different than the addiction to a narcotic. Your brain is producing a chemical reaction to the experience and you are addicted to it. You do need to understand this. You do need to consider non emotional facts as you consider destroying your life and multiple family ties you have not discussed. This addiction runs its course. It leaves you more depressed in time, than you are now.
But you already know you will never forgive yourself for not taking this one time shot. You already know if you cut off OM cold turkey for good, you will think about him every day and never forgive yourself for trying. Well, in time you will never forgive yourself for abandoning your M this way, but the only way to find out is to go for it ... and I believe you will.
I think you developed such a negative view of your life and your H's role in it that you believe you will die if you don't go for it. You have come to the wrong place if you are hoping for support in leaving. You see, most of us have had someone destroy our lives and we were probably viewed just as boring as your H. But we loved our W unconditionally. We could have forgiven almost anything and worked through it all if only we would have been allowed.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
