Forgiveness has zero to do with repentance. I've said this a bunch of times on other people's threads, but this notion that forgiveness is some grand magical gesture bestowed upon the transgressor by the transgressed is beyond a fallacy. No one is sitting upon a moral high ground throne handing out forgiveness. Forgiveness is a process. A process that can be done entirely without anyone asking for it or showing repentance. Forgiveness is a way to let go of the tether that binds you to people that have wronged you. Anger tethers you indefinitely to a person. As long as you hold on to the anger you will always be at the mercy of that person. You will always be at the mercy of the wrongs they've done. Forgiveness is accepting what has happened, no longer being wiling to be beholden to the pain, and moving forward. You forgive for you, for your spirit, your mind, your soul. No one else's. But you don't ever have to forget.
Remorse, is what you need to regain or maintain a relationship with someone in the same form as before. But if you have no interest in that iteration of your relationship then it isn't necessary. People forgive every single day without so much as an acknowledgement they they even did anything wrong. People forgive people of things that to some would be unforgiveable. The biggest hurdle here is understanding that forgiveness isn't one sweeping action absolving exW (or whomever) of all her sins. It actually offers no absolution. Just a path way for you to let go and move on fully.
Hey Wayferer,
Thanks for your response and sorry for late reply.
I just got divorced over Zoom this week and had so much going on.
I can see that forgiveness is a process, though being raised a Christian I saw it as "payment in full" for another person's apology over their transgressions.
I have to think about this but I think you're explanation is the right way of going about this.
