Welcome. I am so sorry you have to find yourself here. You are off to a good start. It is very long, difficult and painful journey. Please know that you are not alone. Everyone here has been in a similar sitch at some point. I started reading here over 7 years ago and I notice patterns. I just wanted to offer a couple things that you might find helpful. I do not check/post here often, but if I can be of help to you, I will. I just wanted to offer you a little something.
I see you taking a lot of ownership of where you went wrong. That is so important because we can only control and change one person -- our self. Conversely, it is easy to think that it is all our fault and want to dive right in and fix our problems and try to be perfect. That is not possible. It took a long time for the relationship to deteriorate and it was not one persons doing. It is complicated. Also, based on reading 100s maybe 1000 stories, there is usually a third party involved and some type of affair. Some know about it and find out early. Some do not believe it and are completely shocked. But in most of these sitches, esp when your partner leaves rather abruptly, there is someone else involved. People do not pick up and quickly leave us to get away from us, they leave to be with someone else. I want to caution you to protect yourself as I see a lot of self blame in your writings. Also, her sadness could be more due to some type of guilt rather than losing her relationship with you. I am sorry if that stings. I know that sting myself.
So if this is true, and she is imagining or planning a relationship with someone else, what can you do about it? Unfortunately, nothing to change her mind. You note it and don't allow yourself to obsess over it. You do not confront her. In fact, it is better not to initiate any contact with her. I know you have to see her at work, but it is best to stay FAR away. A brief head nod or smile and then walk away. She needs to see that you are letting go and moving on. If you are struggling with this, I recommend reading and following Sandi's rules. They saved my sanity and my life. I read them every day and maybe 20 times a day.
Also, I know you want to help her financially, but please be careful. Protect yourself and your assets right now. Are you doing this out of guilt? A hope she will see you as caring and come back? Or is it legally required? What if you knew for certain there was an A and that is why she is leaving you?.... I think it is a good idea to look at finances separately from emotions. She has picked up and left you and it is reasonable not to help someone do that to you. Do you see how this looks to an outsider?
I know how hard this is. I feel for you. Just take it day by day. And remember that less is more. When is doubt, do nothing. Stay away from her and take care of you. This takes a long, long time to unfold. In the mean time, your focus is completely off of her and on you and your own healing. She may look over her shoulder if she sees you happier and moving on, but for now you just stay on your own path.
Take care. You got this. Blu
Last edited by BluWave; 08/28/2107:27 PM.
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
