Out of the bottle

[BL42]

Magnhild,

We met up a couple of times which was actually quite positive. She remarked on how well I looked and she said I appeared to be coping with this situation better than her.

Nice she noticed, but a caution not to read too much into it. Sounds like you might be hoping because of these words things will turn - I wanted to read into all the "positive" signs too. Continue improving yourself and be (or at least act) happy. If she really thinks you're doing better than her she may start questioning things...

She tells me she has found a place to rent from tomorrow (10 month lease) which I wasn't surprised by, as I knew this had been her plan after spending the last couple of months at a friend's house. However, this still managed to put me back a bit.

Notice her words we positive (or at least the ones you shared) but her actions are still moving towards separation / divorce.

We work together at a school, which starts on Monday and I'm finding that very hard - seeing her around. We're both very professional, but it's such a difficult thing to handle. We've both been in school for the last few days and she has visited me in my room to talk. The mutual friends we have there are all completely as shocked as I am that she left the marriage with no desire to work on it. She still hasn't told her family.

That does sound difficult. I can't imagine having to work professionally with someone while going through this.

All her stuff is in our home, and her new place is furnished, so she will only need her clothes. After going backwards and forwards in my head, I'm still not sure of what do to for the best.

For a couple of days I've been thinking about how I really need to move on and it's probably best for me to ask her to take all her belongings from the house. She can always rent a garage to store her stuff pretty cheaply - it shouldn't be my problem.

Completely fair to ask her to remove her stuff. She's has separated from you and is threatening to end the marriage! No need to be nice and gentle and accommodating.

"Given you've committed to living elsewhere for the next 10 months, I request that you please remove your belongings from my home by Oct 1, 2021."

If you go the route of asking, CWWarrior's wording suggestion seems very reasonable.

I also want her to remove her name from the mortgage & bank account. I need to protect my assets.

Do it. Period. Protect your finances. She's acting in her interests, not yours. You can start redirecting your paycheck into a new bank account which she does not have access to, to further protect yourself.

I've spent the summer working on my "better self", physically and emotionally

Great!

I now need to face up to the reality of a broken marriage and look after myself financially.

Yep. It's tough. But start getting into "business" mode and watch your interests, especially financially.

Am I being a complete tw*t to suggest this? I have been standing for my marriage for the last two months but I'm not sure if doing this shows compassion or is it fair?

Your spouse is separating and probably divorcing you and you're concerned you're not acting fairly by asking her to pack up her stuff. The board is going to tell you to toughen up and not be soft / too nice.

Is it possible there's an affair / other person involved? Do you suspect anything? What does your gut tell you? My "Spidey sense" was tingling on BD and quickly found out there was at least an emotional if not physical affair. What does yours say? I ask because earlier in the thread you mention you thought things were happy for 14 years and BD was a shock and then little complaints started surfacing. Could be she met someone and fell and is now re-writing things and blaming you for her guilty feelings and/or making excuses for her behavior. Many on here would recommend being tougher on WAS when there's another party involved. Have you thought about packing up her stuff yourself, leaving it in the garage or front porch, and say "you're leaving me so here's your stuff...bye!") Again, this is based on purely speculation but so many of the sitches on here involve an affair which comes out eventually, even if the LBS swears up and down the WAS has nothing going on in that area.