For some reason I was having a difficult time getting on for a few weeks.
They upgraded the software. For about two weeks it was nearly impossible to log on!
Originally Posted by Wolfman
I am confused about something here. Since the baby has been born our relationship has gone by the waste side I’m not expecting for us to have hours together but a little time here and there. When I explain to her that we can’t forget about us, she tells me she is tired and she has to do stuff for the baby (wash sheets, wash bottles) again I understand that but when is there us time. It just hurts right now that she has no care about me right now. At night she sleeps at the edge of the bed with her back to me for the entire night. She says she needs to be able to hear the baby. I said what does facing the baby or facing me have to do with anything? She says she won’t be able to hear him? 🙄 I feel we are growing apart. Thanks for listening.
You don't sound confused. You two are growing apart. You two didn't seem so close before the pregnancy, so I might go out on a limb and say it temporarily brought you closer.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
When I explain to her that we can’t forget about us,
Maybe it's semantic, but I don't love "explaining" to her what "we" (she) CAN and CAN'T do. She's your equal and CAN absolutely choose to forget about you. I'd probably say, "I'm scared we're not getting much together time. I love you and that's important for me to feel connected." I imagine LH would say, "Time together is important. This isn't working for me." Both recognize she has choices and agency, as do you.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
she tells me she is tired and she has to do stuff for the baby (wash sheets, wash bottles) again I understand that but when is there us time.
Is there a fair labor division? E.g., while one of you is at work, I assume the other does this, but when you're both home a fair labor division is 50/50 on diapers, sheets, bottles, meals, baths, etc. If you want a happy partmer she needs r&r, too! (:
If she's as rested as you.. there's while the baby is napping, while the baby is happy, etc.
There's the possibility of a 2-hour sitter to allow going out for a romantic dinner? This could be in the backyard if she's not comfortable being too far away from the baby.
Find other ways to connect, e.g., gifts, acts of service, etc.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
It just hurts right now that she has no care about me right now.
I bet! It's a hard switch from lots of together time to very little together time.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
At night she sleeps at the edge of the bed with her back to me for the entire night. She says she needs to be able to hear the baby. I said what does facing the baby or facing me have to do with anything? She says she won’t be able to hear him?
Interesting. Well, being "right" or "wrong" gets you nowhere--it's okay for you to each have different perspectives on sleeping positions. Assuming you've addressed her being well enough rested, I would instead request a few minutes of whatever snuggling you need before bed. Be clear it's not about sex. You want to cuddle up and feel connected to the person you love. (:
