I was running behind this morning while reading, typing, and eating my toast. Perhaps, I wasn’t as eloquent as I was shooting for.
The choice for Eagle, or anyone, to engage in sex, or not, is up to them. Always.
Yes, H could just lie, and probably would. The word of a person in crisis is pretty unreliable. H has been hiding his OW2 for quite some time and it is only really coming to light as their relationship is disintegrating.
My advice does presumes Eagle’s desire for sexual interaction. As stated she’s been involved, unwittingly albeit, during H’s latest affair. I may be wrong, however I believe Eagle was ok and enjoyed the time with H. If he had continued to show improvement I’d suspect things would have progress in this area as well.
My less generic version is purposefully pointed to illicit a response from H. I will not have sex with you since you did this. That’s a big 180 and H will probably not be expecting that. I’d be very surprised if a guy so down and depressed, who is remaining in bed during his trip with his kids, could think fast enough to and lie and cover up very well.
“I am not feeling comfortable with intimacy right now with the current way our relationship is going” does not get to the fact of what the boundary is for. It’s not about being uncomfortable with intimacy, although that is true. It is about being disrespected! That’s at the root of things.
H’s behaviour is disrespectful. He controls that. E tells him she doesn’t appreciate his disrespect. When H does things like that, she enforces her boundary which she can control. That’s the general blueprint for a boundary.
My favourite line. Which I may someday even get to use. Lol.
J, if you’re with OM, you’re not with me.
Eagle, maybe you want to use that. H, if you’re with OW2, you’re are not with me.
Feel free to try it on for size. Take it for a test drive in your mind. See if it resonates with you.
It’s pretty short and simple so the Swiss cheese minded MLCer can absorb it. Lol. And it provides very little room for one to try to manipulate things.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
