I have seen the conversations re forgiveness and I too wonder if I'm there, or if I'm kidding myself. I think I have, because I don't spend a lot of time any more trying to catalogue XH's sins and I'm mostly in a place of meh.
However, over the course of various conversations since BD, I've come to realise that there are lots of people walking this planet who appear to have missed out on a few life experiences that might have made them choose better paths when things get rough. Specifically, I'm talking about utter rejection coupled with losing a deeply valued ideal - i.e. being heartbroken.
About 2 years after BD, my mother was telling me I should've been over it by now and I recall saying "Oh you must know what it's like to feel utterly rejected and blindsided. Surely you've been dumped before?" She sat back and mused and answered "Actually, when I think about it, no - I never have!" It's true - she has never experienced what all of us here have, and with what most of the world can empathise.
I was XH's first, and for a very long time, only romance. When Mum said what she said, I immediately thought of him and realised too that he has never, ever been heartbroken. He truly has no idea what he has done to me and probably still doesn't.
Now part of me hopes that he is given all that life offers, including the experiences that aren't so great. I hope that from a good part of my heart. Does that make sense?
