It’s not proof of an OW that prevents him staying over, it’s proof of no OW that allows him too. You suspect he is not disclosing his affair. Your current boundary is stated in such a manner that as along as H hides it from you he feels he can come over. Remember, masters of manipulations. He will work this against you, be ready for it.
Then this suggestion...
Originally Posted by DnJ
Boundaries are stating your actions. I will not have sex with you while you are seeing someone else. (That is different than we cannot have sex). That places the cause of no sex clearly upon his actions, and the enforcement clearly within your control.
But wouldn't this still leave her H to lie to get what he wants? And again, Eagle3 would have difficulty in obtaining an honest disclosure of his affair? Couldn't he easily continue to try to hide his infidelity so that he can get the intimacy he wants?
Might it be better to say "I am not feeling comfortable with intimacy right now with the current way our relationship is going" or something more generic that leaves the decision up to Eagle3 as well as doesn't give him the actual detail he could manipulate? This seems more aligned to your original advice I listed above, which I found to be so wise.
El
Me 52, H 56 T10 M7, 2nd MR for both 2 Step Sons (19 and 21) BD: Fall 2020 D finalized: July 2022 XH Married AP soon after D day.
