Picking Up the Pieces After WAW Goes Again #4

[smilie]

I am sorry this is happening to you. Going through my divorce was more painful than the pain I felt when my brother passed away.

I concur and I'm sorry you had to deal with that. This is definitely much more painful than when my father got killed in a head-on with an 18m truck. I wasn't that close to him, but he pain for this is much worse. I can't do too much until I know the outcome of the court hearing, so I shall take wayfarers advice here and find some neutral space somehow.

During my healing, I learned that our bodies react to our thoughts. We may have repressed emotions, that involuntarily come out. Every time we think about something, we relive it and cause a reaction.

Yes they do. I have learned that too by studying Sydney Banks and Ekharte Tolle stuff in the past. The putting it to action seems like the challenge when you haven't practiced it beforehand enough and you're in the thick of it. I think a lot of my thoughts are unconscious as I wake up like it and then can't go back to sleep, then the conscious thoughts start to 'top them up' throughout the day.

I wish that I could pay for IC, as I can't get it on the state as they reckon that I'm too anxious. But my feeling is that from the start I have requested IC and not being put forward to it and waiting so long (3 months) has made me more anxious, so it seems to not makes sense.

I learned to compartmentalize things. Finding balance in the different parts of my life. Controlling my thoughts instead of letting them control me. I would find time to let my emotions out. We are emotional beings and they need to come out. Finding ways to relief the stress is important as well.

Wow! Having done a search on compartmentalizing thoughts. I didn't know this was actually a strategy and thought that people just said it's what they did. I shall have a read of the stuff I've found.

Can you schedule time to just be, no thinking? Watching the sunset from a park, or feeding birds or watching children play at a park? Walking the streets and just observing? Does the shaking stop?

For the first two days after my wife left, I started meditating, making that space. It was working fairly well. I was crying a lot then. As soon as she sent me the text to say she had somebody else and wouldn't be coming back, that's when the shaking started and the crying stopped.

I still do guided meditation, listen to hypnosis audios and sit in the quiet sometimes, but I can't stand the silence anymore. Can't bare sitting in the garden on the bench - I have always loved doing that, for years, now it's intolerable to think about it. I can't sit still even if I force myself. I used to go to the park, watch the ducks, go for a walk, have a chat with a couple who sit in their front garden, read a book, think, make lists of plans, go to the coffee shop to think. I was making plans to move and it all stopped as it all weighs on this court case. Then I felt stuck.

I still do a lot of that stuff though, but not so often as I am so busy sorting out paperwork, emails, phone calls (doctors, pension companies, mental health people & estate agents today - 4 hours!), etc. The weather is also sadly getting colder so less people about to chat to - apart from the local homeless people in the park. I chat to them as they sometimes need to talk to somebody too. I haven't actually tried to schedule any of these things though and your comment has helped me see that I have just been reacting to things, and feelings, rather than create a proper schedule to do stuff - so thank you for that.

However.....The shaking only seems to calm down when I hold a decent meaningful conversation, it never stops completely though, which is annoying and walking has been horrible since my wife left as I don;t feel in control of my legs - they feel so weak and wobbly.

Same thing for crying? Can you find time to just let the tears flow? When you stop, does the shaking lessen or stop?

Crying is a strange one. At the start when she left, I couldn't stop. Since I've known the truth about what she has done, I can't start and if I do it's unexpected and short-lived, comes from nowhere and can be embarrassing, like today at the dentist. Tried clearing my mind while having my teeth cleaned, but the tears dribbled out of the corner of my eyes. But no, the shaking doesn't stop afterwards, but then I haven't really sat and felt like having a good cry.

Just throwing some ideas out there for you to consider.

Yes thank you. I am certainly interested in the compartmentalization, now that I know it's a thing. I have also learned while replying that I should just possibly start with one thing and focus on that - spend time to sit and clear my mind for 5 or 10 minutes and extend it from there.

I can't believe that you guys have had to go through this stuff and probably with kids too. It must have been an absolute nightmare! But you're here and survived, so I should also, eh? (I won't die...).

Thank you
S,