Picking Up the Pieces After WAW Goes Again #4

[smilie]

Wayfarer: How is it that everything you say makes complete sense and is delivered in such a way that not only factual, but compassionate? Thank you. I didn't know that you were on anti-depressants - I'm sorry that you have had to endure all of this type of thing also. I am more angry that my stbxw has driven me to pills than I am at her leaving me. I despise myself for being this emotionally weak and if I had a regular income that supported me, then I doubt things would be this bad as the majority of my worries are financial and of feeling helpless (& useless).

Medication: I was talking with the Mental Health Team this morning as my doctor wanted assurance from them that the tablets he was prescribing were the right ones and wouldn't effect my condition. They said "Just give them a go", I said that I had done some research and found a medical paper that indicated that an SSRI could have a positive effect on Vestibular Migraine.

So I will be on Citalopram (Celexa) 10mg (low dose to start). Should take about 6 weeks to start having an effect on my brain. I hope it won't exacerbate VM symptoms.

I don't feel depressed though, just worried - perhaps it's all part of it.

Worry & Fixation: I think that the majority of my worry and anxiety is situational and that I have not got any control over it due to not having an income. It's the situation that I am in that I constantly try to find a solution to - so that's the fixation part probably. I have always been like this at work if I had a solution to find to an issue - it keeps going around in my head until I can find a way out. I think the only way out of this one is through.

I needed to go to the dental hygienist this morning. I parked just outside town along the road where we lived and walked into town. I have always done this, but this time it was hell. Every single memory from when we lived there and when she worked there, came bombing straight back into my mind. The time when she hurt her toe kicking a conker while we were walking down the lane to the pub, how we used to walk and hold hands walking everywhere and our strolls down to the shop, how I used to wait for her outside work sometimes for lunch, the shops we used to go in, the restaurants we used to go to, the routes we used to walk. All those "videos" played almost all together in my head so vividly - talk about torment.

For a few seconds I could imagine that everything was ok and I was just walking to meet the wife and I seemed to go back in time for just a few seconds and think that I was in a previous time - but I wasn't.

By the time I got to the dentist tears were welling up in my eyes and I could hardly speak. The more important thing is I couldn't walk properly all the way there & back to the car as this stress affects the way my body works I am finding and everything I see looks so strange - not real - dissociated.

GAL: I wish that I could do more. I wish that I could spend some time doing my Chi Gong course I brought last year. I wish that I could start fleshing out my business idea. It's the time though and I have to do some more work on the legal form - I shall put aside another hour after this. I have just phoned to get a statement of my state pension, that took a while and have just

Divorce/Money: I have no means of earning at the moment, so where will that leave me? Whereas if I didn't have this legal expense I would have been OK for a couple of years to work something out - this is just for the interim maintenance case, the divorce is only just getting to the financial bit. It's crazy, especially when assets are low, but I reckon she has hidden a lot of her financial stuff as this has been planned.

Please consider the 5-5-5 rule.

I shall give that a go. The hard bit is stopping the worry.

Not looking forward to the court thing. A friend has offered to be here with me for a cup of tea afterwards