I thought I'd come here to more or less journal today and let go of some stuff. I do some business with my in-laws and I've expected them to pull that from me at some point - it just makes sense. I wouldn't want to have business with my former son in law.
Anyhow, I got a call from a competitor - which was nice of him to call to a degree - letting me know that he was going to be taking over the business. He let me know that my in laws didn't feel comfortable working with me and didn't feel comfortable even calling me to have the discussion. He also recommended that I call them and leave a message to let them know there were no hard feelings. I thought that was a good idea and so that's what I did.
I knew it was coming, but its just another reality hit. These things stir up pain. I imagine that is simply going to be the way it is for the rest of my life, but it will probably be less and less as time goes by.
Counseling continues to be helpful for me to process my feelings and to try and make sense of something that doesn't make sense to me.
My last session the counselor helped me see that in the marriage I had accepted certain behaviors too long, which was not healthy for me or for my ex. He made the comment that the vision I had for my marriage represented my fantasy or my ideal and that I need to continue to work to accept that it doesn't exist either. And then the big one is that I shared with him that my mind just keeps going around in circles asking What I did wrong. His point on that one was that I didn't do anything wrong. This wasn't about me.
I know that is true but it is so hard for me to accept. I just constantly wonder, what could I have done differently, but at the end of the day, This wasn't about me and I need to accept that.
I'll continue to work at that - it will take time.
