I'm not a doctor but you 100% have depression and chronic anxiety. You need medication and CBT. I mean that in the kindest terms possible. Take the medication they want you to try see what happens. Also there are dozens of anti-depressant. It's whole different world from the days when Prozac and lithium were the only options. The worst thing that can happen is it doesn't work and you try another until you find one that works for you and with your medical issues.

I went through several meds until I found what works for me. Most people do. The one I'm currently on actually exacerbates anxiety. But my anxiety is manageable without medication. My depression is not. I just have to be careful with caffeine. It has an upper in it which is why it makes anxiety worse. But that upper is what makes me get out of bed in the morning. And this one is weight neutral which is a blessing for me because I yoyo so bad with other issues I don't need any help from my meds. It's not perfect but it's the best fit. And I'm happy for it.

Worrying vs fixation. Worrying allows you to function and process, and do what every you need to do with out consuming you. Fixation is consuming. Untreated anxiety disorders generally don't allow people to worry they only fixate. Most people I know who consider themselves worriers, myself included, aren't actually life long worriers. They have a generalized anxiety disorder. Some anxiety is deeply internal. Totally self focused. They think every one hates them. They don't think they can do anything right. Some anxiety is external. The sky is falling, Chicken Little, kind of things. Some anxiety is a super fun grab bag of both. I think it's safe to assume you have the grab bag, buddy. It's normal to be worried when things are so uncertain. But there are little things I know Steve and I aren't the only ones noticing that point to you fixating instead of just the run of the mill anxiety over a huge life change like this.

Just a few other notes:

-Your GAL sounds really good considering. I'm proud of you for that.

-Very few people get out of a divorce rich. Most people take a pretty hard monetary hit. But money is temporary. In a year or two you'll be settled and none of this will matter the way it matters right now.

-Good lawyers aren't cheap. Cheap lawyers aren't good.

-Anything that makes you look desperate and like she basically robbed you and left you homeless and flailing will help you with that interim order. It is a good thing that you haven't found a place yet. There are silver linings here. You have to learn to hold on to them.

-Please consider the 5-5-5 rule. When you're struggling, worrying, feeling a little low for yourself ask yourself: will this matter in 5 days? 5 months? 5 years? If the answer is no then don't spend more than 5 mins worrying about it. With my teenagers I drop that down to 5 hours, 5 days, 5 weeks. (Teenage girls a just a dream, everyone should have one.) It's a really easy way to give yourself perspective and to keep yourself in check.

- Last about the court thing. Court is incredibly formal. Even more so over there. There's very little room for warm fuzzies or even real emotional support. Being able to talk to a friend afterwards will be really no different than if you were in person.