Brave Little Gerda Knows More Now

[Gerda]

97Hope and OwnIt and DnJ and bttrfly -- Thank you for stopping by and for the thoughts --

Own, interesting what you say about matrimonial lawyers. I just thought it was because I couldn’t hire the $600/hour ones. The ones I met through the domestic violence center seemed good but owning a house disqualified me from using them.

I don't know that book, which is a phrase I rarely utter about anything 19th century! I will check it out!

Do you know the book, He Knew He Was Right by Anthony Trollope? I tried to reread it a few years back, thinking I'd get insight into my H. It was so triggering and upsetting I couldn't, despite finding it so entertaining years ago.

I hear what you are saying but believe it or not, I am trying to do that. This is a frying pan-fire situation. It’s going to be h$ll if I keep going and it’s going to be h$ll if I agree to sell with him. But if I do the buy out and end up having to sell to pay him what I owe him, I’ll be doing it alone!

I already experienced him trying to sell the place while we lived here and while I continued to run the rentals here. It was h$ll beyond h$ll. H was on a RAMPAGE of nasty underhanded evilness throughout, and he never even actually listed it. He just kept bringing fake "pocket deals" to court from supposed buyers who had never seen the place and were offering almost double the appraised value -- and demanding that I match these offers. Meanwhile with the brokers in and out and the drama, my son totally regressed to a scary mental health place after 2 years of us working so hard to improve his mental health, my daughter too. In a way, Covid saved us because all of that ground to a halt.

I am not trying to keep it because I think I can’t make a nice home elsewhere. I don't make enough to pay for my kids’ housing and H won’t give me any child support or help with the mortgage. But the rents cover the mortgage. We'll lose so much in taxes, brokers, debt payments, etc. and then splitting what's left with the was-band, that there won't even be enough left to buy a 1-bedroom here, and rents here are crazy high. So if I do sell it, I will have to leave my city and friends and church and neighbors and all of that, and my kids too -- and leave their schools. I'm just trying to keep us here where I know I have a way to pay for housing til college.

The order requires him to accept a buy out at appraised value. He was re-ordered to get the appraisal done but he won’t do that and refuses to accept the appraisal I got. I offered to pay him 50K now (family has offered to loan me that til refi) and the rest 90 days after we get the divorce decree. No go.

I think he does not want this to end. Financially he is shooting himself in his MLC foot. Via a buy out, he will earn like 35% more and can stop paying his lawyer 50K a year that he doesn't have. But then there will be no more drama, no narcissistic supply. He’ll have to admit to his friends and OW that the place he sold his soul and his family for is not worth nearly what he thought.

So I am working hard on securing a refi while also going on the offensive in the D. Trying everything I can think of.

And tonight I am away from all that in my mountain cabin, watching how fast the moon crosses the sky and listening to all the insects singing into the stars.....

XO from Gerda