Happy Birthday, Michka. I understand waking up lonely. It will get better.
I like what you said " I don't want to know more than I do".
I had a mantra when I felt the urge to dig. It was: "I know enough".
That is a good place to be. The details do not matter. For everyone, it's different in what "enough" is. I've found less is better. Hope this makes sense.
I hope you are finding peace in this storm. Steve is right, one day at a time. You are doing great, despite what you feel. ((((Michka))))
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.