Brave Little Gerda Knows More Now

[Rita]

I keep avoiding updating because it will take so long to explain.

But I will just say this -- last week the judge rejected my motion attempting to force H to abide by the order of two years ago that allowed me to buy him out an appraised price. This order was supposed to last for six months of marketing our place and end with a buy out. During those six months, I had agreed to delay child support and to pay him advances on his equity. For six months. Now it's two years later and no end in sight. So I filed a motion asking for us to use the order as it was intended, to bring this to a close, and to start at least interim child support, since I have now gone (officially) without child support for three years. And to force him to correct his tax returns because his fraudulent returns have eaten my refund every year and he is now collecting the child tax credit for our son, who he hasn't seen or supported in two years.

(He hasn't supported them ever but I mean officially.)

He had filed a motion for contempt, I forget why. This was his fourth contempt motion.

She denied them both. I think she is trying to teach us a lesson to force me to sell our house or to force him to abide by the order, but in effect she only enforced the half of the order that benefited him and left me, the single mother, solely responsible for all child expenses, mortgage, and advance equity payments for this total complete deadbeat dad.

I don't even think it's legal.

I tried family court and they were very sympathetic but said I can't get their help til my divorce is final.

I keep sending offers to settle. And now am subpeoning all his records and his business partner, filing an appeal of her decision, etc. etc, just trying everything.

He keeps spending his future equity on this lawyer who he doesn't actually pay, just on credit, for this never-ending nightmare instead of just agreeing that an appraisal determines the value of a buy out and ending this.

Now neither kid will see him.

And there is no way I can feed my kids and pay the mortgage if I have to keep paying him advances on equity. So I have to now violate her ruling.

I feel like I'm trapped in Egypt, sometime around the 8th plague.

Compared to what women are suffering in Afghanistan, Haiti, pretty much everywhere, my problems seem ridiculous.

But all of this leads to nothing, it is pointless, there is no magical outcome for him but his lawyer does not explain that eventually he will have to give me that child support, the IRS will catch up with him, he will have to get his half of the house (or maybe less than half if I go to trial and succeed). But we could end it all now and move on with our lives, and he'd get MORE money that way.

For myself I feel almost the same anxiety I did before, but no feelings about him (see my post on DNJ's thread about that), just a desperation to be free of this vipers and be able to think clearly, on my own, and be who I was meant to be in this world.

I am working on a story that uses some of my divorce story. I really hope I can publish it.

My lesson for the newbies reading this --

Settle your divorce as quickly as possible. You can stand for your marriage after you are divorced. Or not. But you can do nothing if you become mired in a divorce from a narcissist, and your MLCer might be one of those. Get your finances settled and then you can GAL from here to eternity, standing or not standing, but free.