Picking Up the Pieces After WAW Goes Again #4

[smilie]

Most of us here were an emotional wreck at one point. And there's no shame in reaching out to people for help. However, I'm going to be completely honest (and sorry if this sounds harsh) but...

You need to man up and pull yourself together. Sometimes it's hard to read through your thread as it comes off as a helpless child unable to take care of any aspect of your life. That's not attractive to anyone, let alone your W. I get the sense this is at least a contributing factor to her decision here. Things like internet access, apartment rentals. professional fees...etc. are things adults just need to be able to handle. Make a list of everything. Start with the small stuff and start checking things off one-by-one. As you check off more items your confidence will grow and you can start to tackle the bigger things.

Thank you for your honesty. You know, I never used to come across like that but I do feel a bit lost as the wife had all the control, has taken all the information and funds and kept springing on surprise after surprise. My self-esteem has gone down the pan with this illness and subsequently her leaving the way she did. I think the worst part was that I didn't ever expect the she would do such awful things. It has got to me emotionally and that's probably how I come across when I'm an emotional wreck and panicking all the time! Sorry. Who would ever believe I used to be an IT Manager for a legal firm and make decisions all day long and was really confident. I'm just a shadow of that now and it is embarrassing.

I am getting things sorted. Internet was a worry and that's sorted and there's a couple of houses I'm interested in in the next town from here that used to be our regular place to go when we lived in our previous property. Called the agents today, but half day Saturday. I drive down to have a look at them anyway just to get an idea

I understand you have a medical condition and I don't pretend to know what that's like to deal with but once the court date / spousal maintenance is settle you need to get a job. Not just because you need it financially, and certainly not to win back your Ex, but also because doing something - anything, even if it's not the ultimate career - will make you feel like you have a purpose and contributing to society and that will build confidence and accomplishment.

I agree that would be both beneficial and ideal! However, there's the rub! I have been wanting to work now for the past 5+ years, but this ruddy condition won't let me hold a traditional type employment. I try to explain this to people as everybody says the same thing - and I agree - but I would be at work for less than a few hours before I had to go and then be off for a day or so. I would be at work 50% of the time at best. I need something that's not a traditional job that I can do my own hours. I've always fancied running a coffee shop, but that's not easy these days or cheap. The wife and I (well, me really) have had some ideas over the past few years to get to bring in an alternate income, but nothing really hit off, as explained before that I was waiting to her to do stuff together like she said she wanted. But I get started, have a vertigo attack and will be out of action for a fair few weeks. It is so very frustrating. I have been looking around for a suitable position, but if it keeps to traditional times, involves sitting at a desk, looking down (or up), looking at a PC, needing to wear reading glasses, bending over, lifting stuff or walking around a lot, then count me out ... especially if it's in a supermarket as that's the worst environment ever! I really miss my job, I was an IT Manager, then an IT Consultant. I'll have to get some ideas, but I would prefer to work for myself. In her statement of truth the wife keeps saying about how I could do gardening or window cleaning - she knows full well I can't as just doing these at home is a chore and requires an hour or two rest in between to stop spinning - especially mowing the lawn. Not excuses, although I can see why people would think that they were. I was looking at a whole lot of "live-in" jobs to try to kill two birds with one stone (job and housing), but they always need skilled people - gardeners with horticultural qualifications, carers, etc.

I really have no ideas and both the wife and I have been trying to think about something for years - she was even in agreement that it would be almost impossible for me to hold down a job ... now she's changed her mind.

If anybody has any idea though that I haven't thought of, please share.

(P.S. It's taken me 1.5 hours to type this reply for regular breaks).