After reading your story, I guess I'm a little bit in the same situation currently, although in my case I'm not yet divorced.
This particular part hit me:
"Other problem is, I was getting too comfortable with XH. Saw him in Oklahoma and things happened, then the next week he invited himself to come with me to a work party, and then 2 days later showed up at Church with his OW."
In my case I don't know if he has an OW, but we are also sometimes too comfortable with each other. It often feels we are still like a family. He also acts this way.
So I fully understand why you go dark now in your case. A lot of courage!!
