Rope dropping and grey rocks

[97Hope]

Boundaries are for you. Boundaries are for your mental, physical, and emotional health. They are not an attempt to change, alter, or fix our wayward spouse.

Know your boundaries. Base then not solely upon how you feel, ensure they have logical and reasoned underpinnings.

Set your boundaries. Clearly. By the way, one can have a clearly set boundary without saying a word.

Enforce your boundaries. Make them rock solid. H will test them. He will push and smash against them. Let him. Like waves crashing against the barrier it matters not, for you are safe on the other side.

Remember you only control you. Boundaries sometimes get mixed up into a power / control struggle. They are just you asserting your actions for your health when H crosses the predetermined line.

His use of any and every excuse in the book to contact you can be blocked. Block his number. Or let his calls go to voice mail. Silent his number so his calls and texts make no noise. Check his message only once a week. Whatever level you think you require. Dim, dark, no contact.

I prefer not to talk about your father. That being said, I always will discuss things with you. If you and your life has confusion, questions, or problems; and those have an element of Dad in them, I will still be willing to talk. My love for you far exceeded my desire not to discuss H. I may not bring him up much, but you can if you need too.

Something like that. Perhaps.

Have a wonderful day Hope.

D

Blocked his number on Sunday. It needed to happen.

Your suggestion is perfect and what I have been trying to do for so long. As I thought about it, yes, it did upset me, but it passed. I just want to move beyond where we talk about XH so much. I think time will help, and our previous conversation. We were such a close family for so long, I do need to allow for adjustments and extend grace. It's a transition for all involved. That's probably why we all kind of allowed XH to pretend that everything was the same and played along. Maybe we all just weren't ready to face it. Or

It seemed "easier" short term, but now it's time for me to face my new normal and live in it.

To be fair, my new normal is probably easier at this point than it is for the kids. They miss the family they grew up in, but I don't miss being his wife. So my future looks bright and good and they still have unknowns, especially given that an OW is being thrust upon them.

That just hit me. I have more to ponder.


(((hugs)) to you all for your support!