1. What are your current GAL activities? ... 12. Hey have I asked you What are your current GAL activities?
GAL is always a weakness of mine, I workout regularly and do other things here and there but not a ton. At the same time, as I understand it GAL is for me and my amounts are sufficient for me. I spend a lot of time with the kids.
Originally Posted by Gekko
2. You are correct in your first post in this thread - you do not want someone who doesn't want you.
Yep, this is a key that every LBS needs to realize. At the start we mostly romanticize the M and remember only the good parts, which is usually only half the story. But even if it was all good what matters for the future is how everybody is going to be, not how they were.
And really, for at least 3 years I’ve lived with someone who is neutral at best, showing little love or kindness or support, and at worst someone highly critical with vast amounts of anger and resentment that often seep out. So what am I doing here if that's all I'm going to see?
Originally Posted by Gekko
3. Your kids will come out of this just fine. Be the best parent on the planet and make it so. 4. Keep the house if financially possible, you will be happy you did. You can always reevaluate later.
Agree, they will do fine if we do our jobs as parents (which really isn't any different than if we stayed M, the parents have to do their jobs) so that's my priority. We've both now agreed that I'll keep the house. Like you said, I can always reevaluate, but I can't change my mind later if I sell it. So for now I will keep it.
Originally Posted by Gekko
5. Response to your first post - No fighting with your W. Always stay cool and in control. No fighting.
This is good advice. It's tough to stay cool when someone blows up at you, and I often feel a need to defend myself, but I know it's not necessary. This is a good 180 for me, in general, to just pick my battles and not need to win or be right all the time.
Originally Posted by Gekko
6. No mention of counseling or reconciliation. Shhhhhhh. ... 11. When your W gets COVID again and wants to rethink D because she's sick, be skeptical.
Right, I am not interested at this point, that ship has sailed. I said we should have been doing that, not that we should.
If she changes her mind again…I am not making a decision right now, I don’t have to and I will think on it if the time ever comes. But if I were to take her back I would have a list of requirements that I didn’t have last time.
Originally Posted by Gekko
7. Also as to W, STFU about anything other than business/logistics. 8. Re: any request from W you are not prepared to discuss - "I'll have to think about that".
Yeah, that is basically how I've been. Like a neutral coworker basically.
Originally Posted by Gekko
9. ABA Always Be Attractive. Don't be unattractive. Be a strong man. Be strong. 10. You are not a victim.
No I'm not a victim, and playing one isn't attractive. I was definitely part of the problem and need to work on those parts, including being a more attractive me. I have attracted women before and am sure I’ll be able to do so again, though it’s something I will have to work on as I'm out of practice. But I'll be fine, I know things that need improvement on my end.
Brief update: Not much has changed. W went from “I will probably sign a lease tomorrow” to still looking 3 weeks later. We also will need to change our agreement, as our original was to sell the house, so I have been pushing on that, now she is the one slowing down. In my state D can be filed once we have an agreement, but with no agreement we need a year separation, so until the agreement is worked out we are just in a holding pattern. I have been looking forward to the future quite a bit lately and am ready for her to leave and get started on my new life.
Me: 43 W: 41 Together 2009, Married 2011 Sons 10 and 6, Daughter 5 Bomb 2/21/21. W moved out 10/2021