Onward and Upward!

[LH19]

I've debated this a LOT. I've said this before and he uses any excuse in the book to text or call.

He was with you for a really long time. He of course has separation anxiety. You don't want to let him ween himself off of you.
Our kids are grown (28, 24, 19) we have grandkids but he will use them to text i.e. sending pics of them, or asking for pics of them when I have them, bringing a chair for me to baseball games, only going to games he knows I am attending... [/quote]
This is manipulation on his part. "Look kids mom is onboard with this too. We sit together at games, send each other pictures, watch movies together. It's all good".

I know that if I attempted to set boundaries, he would just turn it around on me and play the victim.

So let him. Who cares. Everyone knows the truth anyway.

I think any explanation would go over his head. (he thinks he has done nothing wrong, and his image is everything so any threat to that "family guy" offends him.

No explanation needed. If he pushes "think doesn't work for me".

I appreciate your opinions, advice and suggestions. Always have. Do you still think I should let him know? I think it's time my actions speak, since my words haven't lined up. (That's on me!)

Nope. Just start doing it. It is going to take a really long time for him to get it. I think it took my Ex about 9 months to realize we weren't friends based of my actions. Ignoring non-kid related texts, yes/no answers, no pleasantries other then "thank you" if warranted.

You’re doing great and I think it’s time to really drop the rope and move forward.

thank you. Means a lot coming from you. and amen to really, truly, dropping the rope. It was like I woke up after 2 days of thinking about it and i was just done. Relief.

Well unfortunately you are not done and won't be completely done for a really long time. It's a process. Just when you think you are 100% detached something will happen and you will realize you are not. It is possible you may never be 100% detached. Most of the suffering on the board comes from the fantasy of wanting the person to be something that they are NOT capable of being. This IMO is where you are stuck. I believe your Exh has had multiple affairs. This is who he is and he's likely not going to change. It's difficult to accept. But the quicker it happens the quicker you can move on.

Be kind and patient with yourself. It takes time.