My ex had an affair about 16 years into our marriage. I DB'd like mad and we reconciled, and I would have said our marriage was really good for several years. Our kids were teens/preteens at the time.
However once he started to approach 50 he went off the rails again and we divorced after 24 years. I think MLC was a major component (he always had a fear of death and dying and aging) but to be honest, I have since realized he's also a narcissist and was probably also unfaithful more than I knew in the relationship. He's never tried to come back once he finally left but I also wouldn't have him back on a silver platter. I have peace in my heart that I did everything possible to save my marriage, and that I was a good wife. His issues of being incapable of being satisfied even when he had a really great life are his issues, not mine. His behavior towards our adult children in the years after our divorce have confirmed to me his narcissism. And as much as I felt it was important to keep our marriage together while the kids were still home, they tell me now they were always waiting for the other shoe to drop after his affair.
As for whether he's still in MLC - I can't honestly say. He remarried to an Asian woman 19 years younger than him (surfer trophy wife in our community). He seemed to spend a lot of time socializing with her 30-something friends, going to their weddings, doing shots of liquor (which was so weird to see as I never really saw my ex drink more than two beers, and usually only one). He's gotten a tattoo and started wearing slightly more stylish clothes. Honestly it does look like he's really trying to appear young and hip enough to keep the young wife. Still, life has had some difficulties for them (her parents died, his father got lung cancer, his mother's husband died and she has parkinson's, ex had to have back surgery the day he retired and had terrible nerve pain for quite some time after requiring a second unsuccessful surgery, and also had to have shoulder surgery). I don't wish her any ill, she wasn't an affair partner (thank god) and she's got the older, balder, creepier version of the guy I was married to.
I'm happy for my kids' sake that he's married and stable, not dating a new person every month like some. She is nice enough to my kids and they don't mind her. I hope she will care for him in his old age so my kids don't have to.
Honestly, once I truly let go, I soon found it was so NICE not walking on eggshells around him all the time and having to be responsible for his happiness.
