The slow posting goes away in 1-2 days, so hang in there. I get it's frustrating that happens just at that moment you're reaching out for help and to tell your story. In no time your posts will be instant.
Originally Posted by Mag
she needed space and packed a bag for “a night, a few days, a month… I don’t know”. It completed blind-sided me.
She left after 8 problem weeks and you say she was nagging you--she communicated there were problems. You own being a "problem drinker" and "emotionally unavailable". You are giving her space. I don't think it will be easy, but I do have some hope for your situation. (:
Originally Posted by Mag
One of the major problems for her was my drinking. I don’t think I’m an alcoholic, but was (and I use the “was” this proudly) a problem drinker – scoffing a bottle of wine a night (she doesn’t drink). I have no excuses and her nagging would have no effect on my poor attitude. It’s something I deeply regret. I stopped drinking 3 days before she left and look and feel massively better for it. I know this to be a permanent change – it’s the first time in my life that I have EVER wanted to give up drinking, so I’m not finding this a challenge.
May I ask for more details? You say you have "a bottle of wine a night". According to NIAAA, a binge drinker has 5+ glasses in less than 2 hours, and a heavy drinker 7+ drinks/week (women) or 14+ drinks/week (men). Why was she nagging you? I get it wasn't good for your health, but her nagging and being a reason for separating implies it caused problems for her too. You said you had a poor attitude. I guess it wasn't the cost/money, then. Were you angry or otherwise acting out?
Going dry for a month is a good first step and common. My XGF, who was sometimes a heavy drinker, was able to do that at least annually. Each time it helped for a bit. Complete abstinence is a solution for some. Most will have a drink when a friend's celebrating and pops a champagne.
You drank for some reason. If this is long-term, I'd be curious what you fill that void with beyond willpower, I'd be curious what your plan to moderate is unless you plan to be a teetotaler.
