I wonder what you would say to me if I wrote that my XH was mad at me for not helping him move out of my house? And that he said I was an ay hole for not building furniture...and that the reason he is moving out is because he cheated on me and dropped a bomb on me a year ago?
What would you tell me?
I hear you loud and clear. I had a session with my counselor and as I was saying out loud all the things that she wants me to do, all the things she's done over the past year, and all I've gone thru I just laughed at the idea of helping her. I just need to keep all that in mind and not feel sorry or fall for the guilt trips.
Originally Posted by 97Hope
I understand keeping the peace, especially when she's almost gone, but something I think to myself when XH would go through the cycle of charm/anger/blame with me was "you have no power here, Gandolf" and it helped.
I like that. I've noticed of late when she yells or gets mad or sends nasty texts I am able to brush it off and not take it personally like I used to. I don't engage (for the most part) which of course makes her more angry.
Originally Posted by 97Hope
I like the idea of picking your battles, and helping her move is certainly your choice, but as soon as she's out, you are going to have to really hold tight to your boundaries because she will use the heck out of you if you don't (ask me how I know). : /
Thank you for reminder. Having these boundaries is new for me and uncomfortable at times, but I am enjoying the freedom they give. I keep thinking about the quote that goes along the lines of "the people who are most angry when you enforce your boundaries are the ones who benefited the most from you not having any." Keeping that in mind helps.
