I don't want a divorce II NEW THREAD pt 30

[may22]

So, just for $hits and giggles, let's dissect CW's original post:

Hey KitCat,

I'm glad you had some seriously raunchy sex. No judgment here. Maybe a bit of jealousy, lol!

Originally Posted by KitCat
I didn't want the convo to drag out.
Is this tactical? You care but are cutting conversations short.

My biggest worry is that you still don't want a D. Like you, I don't like to call people names like "dirt bag", but I do recognize he lies, cheats, is abusive, and is manipulative. I worry you still haven't gotten to a place where you want to D him, that you're still open to a relationship with him when you deserve either a life solo or a worthy partner. I also worry some part of you wasn't concerned about meeting him in a deserted place at 4am. I do risky things. I let someone know where I'm going and carry protection.

Imagine you were outside your body, perhaps a sister/hermana/sestra, someone who loves you. What sort of partner do you deserve? Are his actions in-line with that?

To me, the first line reads like an attempt to connect with KC and let her know she's supported. I'm sure that CW (like all of us who read KC's original post) knew she was going to get slammed, hard, for this behavior. And those of us who have followed KC's story know by now that slamming 2x4s hasn't helped her change her unhealthy behaviors in the past. I read this as CW relating and validating her experience such that she didn't shut down and get defensive, and perhaps would be more open to the remainder of what he was trying to say. Maybe I'm wrong, but that is how I interpreted this line of CW's.

I think it is not right then to take that one line out of context. Read the rest:

My biggest worry is that you still don't want a D. Like you, I don't like to call people names like "dirt bag", but I do recognize he lies, cheats, is abusive, and is manipulative. I worry you still haven't gotten to a place where you want to D him, that you're still open to a relationship with him when you deserve either a life solo or a worthy partner. I also worry some part of you wasn't concerned about meeting him in a deserted place at 4am. I do risky things. I let someone know where I'm going and carry protection.

Imagine you were outside your body, perhaps a sister/hermana/sestra, someone who loves you. What sort of partner do you deserve? Are his actions in-line with that?

Reading this, especially the last piece-- I thought there was a good chance taking this angle could get through to KC. What would someone who loves you say?

CW has consistently shown himself to be a caring, smart, and empathetic person. He looks within and makes changes. He struggles, like all of us, but I would never call him broken or characterize this post as cheering KC on, taken in full context. Just wanted to say this for the record. We're all supposed to be here to help each other.

I had stopped posting on KC's thread because it didn't seem like anything anyone said ever got through. Suggestions are met with excuses why it doesn't work. But reading this I am compelled to echo again what many others have said and please, KitKat, get some professional help. You deserve it. There is nothing wrong with getting professional support. There is no reason that you can't overcome your fears of this just as you've overcome so many other obstacles.

You responded defensively in your last post, but you didn't address AnotherStander. Can you respond to him directly?

HUGS. May